SUSAN K ROWLAND    

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Creativity Corner

'Lack of Confidence'

"Lack of 'Permission'"

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Why is it so hard to get going on my creative pursuits?

Getting started -- whether it’s doing my daily work or starting a new writing project -- is the most difficult for me. I know for others it may be the “noonday demon” that tells them “this is all so stupid; no one will like it.” For others, it’s knowing when to finish, finally letting go and letting something we have created go out into the world for others to see (and maybe criticize). But for me, it’s simply getting started. Once I do get going, I typically enjoy the work. It isn’t at all unusual for me to be so absorbed, I forget to eat. I finally “come up for air” when realize I am ravenously hungry.

So, let’s talk about “starting.” There are lots of reasons why we can be reluctant to start a project, especially if it involves creativity. I‘ve really thought about this lately, especially since I’ve quit my day job and am making a living “being creative.” Here are some of the reasons I can be reluctant to get going on something, even something I am enthusiastic about:

LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE / GOD-CONFIDENCE:

Probably the biggest reason creativity does not happen in most of our lives. Who would want to read what I’ve written? Who would want to buy a piece of art I have created? Who would want me to sing/play in their chorale or orchestra? “Who do you think you are?” is the underlying question when we doubt our talents and gifts.


Growing up in an alcohol-affected home and during 30+ years of marriage to a critical husband, I didn’t have the support that budding creatives need. Oh, I know there are artists who produce under the worst circumstances, creating brilliantly in spite of ignorance and criticism, maybe because of it.


Most of us don’t have the kind of boldness to forge ahead with an “I’ll show them!” attitude when we are put down or discouraged. More likely, we don’t have the personal boundaries that enable us to ignore the negatives in our lives and go ahead and create. Suffering does make what we create important and even beautiful, but the other side of the coin is that suffering can dry up creativity. Especially if our suffering involved belittling by people we loved and wanted to please. When I first began to write, that nagging thought “Who would want to read what I have to say?” was always there. I did fine with 'assigned' projects, but if I took on a more creative project -- a personal column or story dear to my heart -- I did it with a lot of misgivings.

Many of us lack a healthy sense of self that would enable us to pursue our creative dreams. But -- what if??? What if God wanted you to create that ‘something’ you aspire to? That piece of writing or that piece of choreography or that painting or that poem or song? What if you found it it was very important to God that you go ahead and do it? What if that project is part of the reason God made you--because it expresses you? Would it matter then if it wasn’t perfect? Would it even matter if no one seemed to appreciate it? What if that one step led to others and others? What if you got better and better at it?


To overcome our lack of self-confidence and God-confidence, we need healing. And we need good support systems.


Healing
comes about when we let God heal us. It won’t be instantaneous, but it will be astoundingly rapid if we let God into those dark areas of the soul where we’re hiding all that pain. Walk around inside your soul with God as though you were showing someone your home. Talk about what’s happened, what your issues are. Write about it. Acknowledge it. That alone is therapy. Then, give God permission to do what God does best -- healing. God wants you to be whole and free -- and to create what you long to create. You are made in the Creator’s image; you were meant to do this thing you long to do. God wants to heal us, but we must give our permission in order for it to happen. God will not break into our locked closets and rummage around without our say-so.


Support Systems
: Start hanging out with supportive people who believe in you and encourage you to get going on your dreams. This Web site is a good place to start. Whatever our issues, just being with others who are like us helps. Isolation is a major sickness of our culture. We need to fight the urge to hide away our pain and insecurities and to “go it alone.”


Look around your community. Is there a group of creative Christians you can join? Check with your local library and the larger churches in your area. If you live in the Phoenix area, check out The Artist’s Studio at The Farm at South Mountain (www.artstudio-thefarm.org). There are groups like this in many areas. You just have to put the word out there that you are looking. Ask God to help. It will happen.


I also recommend Julia Cameron’s classic book, The Artist’s Way. When my marriage was ending and I was exploring my creativity, I came upon this book “by accident” but, of course, there are no accidents in the spiritual life. This book was invaluable as an aid to my healing and to finding my way to a new life of creativity. Cameron deals with healing from the past, critics (both inner and outer), even money issues. A group of us started a discussion group at a Barnes & Noble store, which automatically gave each of us a support group for twelve weeks, which led to new friendships. Bookstores and public libraries are very happy to cooperate in forming such groups and publicizing them. All you need is someone who is willing to moderate the group and be the contact person. There’s the beginning of a new support system.


This website is copyright protected. ©2011 Susan K. Rowland.

To contact Sue Rowland:
--By e-mail -- susan@makeroomforgod.com
--By 'snail mail' -- P.O. Box 4198, Apache Junction AZ 85178

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